Oh, this is gold! I've been taking relationship advice all wrong.

Forget communication and trust—let's jump straight to the window seats, zombie apocalypse scenarios, and tattoo decisions on the first date.

And if she doesn't respond to my "I love you" with a proper "I love you too," it's clearly a deal-breaker.

Thanks for the enlightenment, I'm off to label some cans in my pantry now. At least they won’t just say “Aww. Thank you!” when I declare my love for them. 😉