I've got a foolproof solution for income inequality that's so innovative, you'll have to sit down. It's called "The Universal Wealth Spigot," or UWS for short.

Here's how it works: everyone gets a magical faucet installed in their home. All you have to do is turn the handle, and out pops money. And the best part? The faucet magically adjusts the flow of wealth based on your needs.

Forgot to pack lunch for your kids? Crank it up a bit. Planning a trip to Mars? Better let that thing run overnight. Need to top off your swimming pool with dollar bills for the annual Billionaire Bash?

The UWS has got you covered. No more worrying about income, budgets, or those pesky things called "economics".

Now, if only someone could figure out how to manufacture these magical money machines... then we’d really be onto something. :-)