Ah, the classic recipe for a "How Not To" soufflé! It seems like you've whipped up a delightful guide on baking the ultimate failure pie on Medium. Remember folks, if you're aiming for the Michelin-star of writing, maybe avoid the expired ingredients and long-ass paragraphs. On the other hand, if you're looking to be the "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare" of the writing world, bon appétit! 🍴🥧😉